The Twelve Days of Gotham
by L van Am
Summary: As a Christmas present to Batman, the Joker gives Gotham a series of mischievous presents over twelve days. Merry Christmas Batsy! Rated for safety.
1. The First Day

**A/N**: So, this little thing is - will be - a collected series of twelve vaguely Christmas-themed oneshots, set to the theme of a "Gothamized" _Twelve Days of Chrismas_. I've got the song written out (except for eleven - I can't think of anything for that, so suggestions would be wonderful, thanks very much). I'm aware that this idea is probably older than sand and has likely been done many times before, but I don't think it's been done quite like this, so I'm hoping that you'll enjoy it anyway. If the song ends up seeming similar to anyone else's version, it's probably a coincidence 'cause I likely haven't read their version. So yeah.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything. Wish I did, but if there's one thing I'm mostly not, it's a liar, so I don't own it.

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On the first day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

A clown mask under a tree!

Bruce was having fun at the Christmas party, which was an odd occurrence. Usually, he hated parties, but those were usually with stuffy high-class Gotham citizens, rather than the people who worked for him.

Bruce was relaxed, but kind of nervous. No one had seen hide nor hair of the Joker in almost two weeks, which Bruce found really strange. The Joker wasn't the type to hide in the shadows. He was more of a center-stage kind of person.

It was about eleven, and Bruce had just started thinking that nothing was going to go wrong when his phone started buzzing. Seeing that it was Alfred, Bruce stifled a groan and answered it.

"What's going on?"

"It's the Joker, master Wayne. He's left a message for the Batman. It's all over the news."

Bruce sighed. "I'll be at the cave in a few minutes."

He excused himself from the party and drove down to the docks to meet Alfred. In the vault, Bruce turned on the news to find the newscasters going over the Joker's latest threats.

"There is reportedly a bomb hidden under the Christmas tree in the centre square. Police have evacuated the area and citizens are urged to keep as far away from the square as possible."

Bruce, hearing Alfred's footsteps behind him, asked his friend, "There's something they're leaving out, isn't there?"

"He said that if anyone but the Batman came near the square after ten-thirty, the bomb would detonate." Bruce could hear the frown in his butler's voice.

"But how would he know that?" Bruce queried confusedly. "He can't be in the square."

"I don't know, master Wayne. But it seems like this is a job for the Batman to do."

"I think you're right. But I have to tell you, I'm really getting tired of cleaning up after that clown."

A few minutes later, the Tumbler was roaring down the street in the direction of the square. Batman abandoned the Tumbler about two blocks away from the square and approached it on the rooftops.

Looking down, Batman could see the silhouette of someone standing beside the Christmas tree, but couldn't tell from his distance whether or not it was the Joker. Batman approached the edge of the square, and warily stepped out of the shadows. The figure didn't move, and didn't speak.

_What's the clown's game?_ thought Batman as he came even closer. In the light from the Christmas garlands gracing the boughs of the huge holiday tree standing in the square, Batman realized that the figure was a mannequin from a nearby clothing store, and that it had a small piece of paper pinned to it. The paper was a Joker card, which read "MERRY CHRISTMAS GOTHAM HA HA HA" in small letters.

Growling incoherently under his breath, Batman noticed a wrapped package under the tree. Very carefully, fully aware that this package was likely the bomb, the Batman touched the paper on the package. Nothing happened.

Delicately, using one of his Batarangs, Batman cut the paper off of the parcel. A plain brown cardboard box was underneath the paper. Just as carefully, Batman opened the box. The only thing inside the box was a mask that was painted to look like a clown's face, with red outlining the eyes, and blue five-o'clock shadow around the mouth. Batman angrily clenched the mask in his fist and threw it to the ground.

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**A/N**: Merry slightly-late Christmas! See you later! And review, as a late Christmas present!


	2. The Second Day

**A/N**: Thank you to my first reviewer, Guest. I'm updating now. Thanks for the reminder.

**Disclaimer**: Nope, I got nothin'.

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On the second day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

Batman was really on edge, patrolling the city restlessly, searching for any traces of the Joker's next crime. He found nothing until one o'clock, when Commissioner Gordon shone the Bat-light into the sky. Batman made his way over to the MCU as fast as possible.

"What is it?" He growled urgently.

"The Joker. He's hit Gotham National."

"Again? I thought he robbed the banks to mess with the Mob."

"Apparently he's up to his old tricks again."

"Is he still in there?"

"No, he got away. No hostages, no bombs. Just guns." But Batman had already left by the time Gordon said "just".

Batman snuck past the police tape that surrounded the bank, crept past the police who were questioning witnesses, and moved into the deserted vault. A pile of Joker cards were sitting on a table, alongside a few other items. Batman moved the cards off of the table to find a clown mask with black rimming the eyes and an exaggerated red smile, and a pair of scuffed purple gloves. Batman found a short note pinned to the gloves, written in an atrocious chickenscratch that could only be the Joker's.

"Day 2: I hope you like these gloves, Batsy, and that you use 'em. I know I did."

Batman almost dropped the gloves disgustedly on the floor right then and there.

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**A/N**: Short one this time. Ah, well, they're supposed to be short anyway. Please review! If you liked it, if you hated it, if you think I should go jump in a lake, review!


	3. The Third Day

On the third day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Three bazooka missiles,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

Batman had to wonder how he could possibly have gotten into this situation. Was he losing his touch?

He'd been patrolling Gotham on the rooftops, same as usual, when he'd intercepted a call using the technology in his cowl; the call said that the Joker had made an appearance in the Narrows. Batman had, of course, rushed off in the Tumbler towards the Joker's last known position. The phone call was a set-up; when he reached the place, the only thing that was there was an eighteen-wheeler with an open cargo door. When the Tumbler had approached it, the men inside it had opened fire, and Batman was forced to drive away. The truck driver, who he assumed was someone working for the Joker, gave chase. Which led to his current predicament.

"I've gotta get this truck off my tail!" Batman growled through gritted teeth as he swerved to avoid another round of bullets from his pursuants. He accelerated, leaving the truck behind.

Batman breathed a sigh of relief as he turned a corner, still speeding down the street - until the truck came off of a side street right in front of him! Through the darkness in the back of the van, Batman could see the silhouette of a man holding a large gun on his shoulder - _Is that a bazooka?!_

Batman swerved around the truck just in time to avoid smashing into the side of it, but heard a loud _boom_ from the cargo area as he came around the other side. A second later, a bright starburst came hurtling past the Tumbler, only to impact a dumpster on the side of the road a second later.

_Definitely the Joker's men_, Batman thought grimly as the chase resumed.

A few moments later, the truck -_ I didn't realize eighteen-wheelers could go this fast!_ - was drawing almost even with the Tumbler. He heard another _boom_ from the side, and swerved into the truck's lane to avoid the rocket, which flew into an alley and exploded against a wall. The truck, just behind him, switched lanes as well. A few bullets impacted the back of the Tumbler, but did no damage to the heavily armored vehicle.

Batman wished that he could fire a few of his own missiles back at the truck, but he knew that any of his weapons would likely kill everyone inside, so he was limited to evading the bazooka's blasts.

At some point, Batman shook the truck off again and drove away, wondering why it was so easy for him to escape. As he turned a corner, heading towards the docks, he encountered the truck again, barrelling head-on towards him!

Batman was sick of the chase. He swerved away from the truck again, planning to drive underneath it, when another missile was fired from the bazooka in the back. _How many of those things does he have?!_ He managed to evade it by slamming on the accelerator and zooming underneath the bed of the eighteen-wheeler.

"Merry Christmas, Batman!" One of the men in the back of the truck yelled at him as he drove away.

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**A/N**: Crap ending is crap. Ah well, I kinda didn't hate it. Let me know if you liked it, hated it, whatever!


	4. The Fourth Day

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

Really, you'd figure that one would find an actual mastermind at least halfway into his plan, usually. But poor Batman had already checked two of the four held-up banks in Gotham - which were all caused by the Joker's men, no doubt as another Christmas "gift" for the Batman - and he hadn't yet found the Joker.

He was headed to the third bank when he received a call from Lucius Fox, who had said that Commissioner Gordon was waiting with a rather large task force outside of Gotham Central bank. He figured that Gordon was likely where the Joker was, so Batman was headed to Gotham Central.

When he arrived, Batman snuck up behind Gordon, who was standing in a spot where he wasn't being guarded by police officers, and tapped him on the shoulder. "Is he in there?"

Gordon didn't have to ask who Batman was talking about. "We believe so."

"Could it be an imposter? That's what it was at the other two banks," Batman explained.

"It could be, but we're pretty sure that he's the real Joker."

Batman sighed. "I'm going in, then." With that, he disappeared.

A few minutes later, Batman was on the roof of the bank, looking through one of the glass ceilings at the group of people below. He could see the signature green hair and purple jacket of the Joker, but from his viewpoint, couldn't identify him for sure. He was going to have to drop in on him, then.

Batman attached his grappling hook to a solid metal pipe on the roof and broke the glass in the ceiling. Before anyone could react besides a hostage's scream, he rappelled down and landed in front of the Joker, then punched the man in the face, knocking him back a half-step.

After the punch, Batman realized that this wasn't the actual Joker, either. He had just spent almost a half-hour chasing the wrong man! Batman quickly knocked out the imposter and incapacitated the rest of the guards, then left, speeding off to the Bank of America's Gotham branch.

Unfortunately, when he got there, Batman saw a pickup truck full of clowns speeding away from the bank. Through the windshield, Batman could see the real Joker grin and wave at the Tumbler as it passed. Batman growled, turned around, and began following the pickup, which led him on a fast-paced, confusing chase through dead-ends streets, U-turns, and narrow avoidances of civilians and police cars.

In the end, Batman lost the Joker's vehicle as it headed in the direction of the Narrows. Almost cursing his decision to become a vigilante in the first place, Batman headed home, calling it a night.

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**A/N**: Almost right on time... Hehe, only a few minutes late, no worries. Please review!


	5. The Fifth Day

On the fifth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

"... And in other news - sorry, this just in - the Joker apparently struck again last night, taking five hostages after a holdup at the Gotham Central Bank last night. As no bodies have yet been found that have been identified as the victims, they are believed to be still alive."

"I don't believe this!" Bruce Wayne seethed. "The clown - how could he have transported hostages? The only vehicle he had was a _pickup truck_!"

"No one knows that for sure, Master Wayne. He could have taken those poor people before Batman arrived at the bank last night."

Bruce was still pacing angrily around the room. "Maybe... But whatever happens, this is definitely going to be my job for the night."

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That night, soon after sunset, Batman headed off to where the Joker had told the Batman to go in his ransom video - an abandoned warehouse near the docks. Batman managed to make it to the correct warehouse in very little time, breaking in through a window.

"So you decided to, ah, show, huh Batsy?" Batman heard the nasally voice of the Joker ring through the warehouse. "Since I'm a man of my word, here are the, ah, hostages, unharmed." The lights in the warehouse flickered on to reveal five people desperately clutching the pinless grenades in their hands.

"Why are you doing this? This... nightly crime spree?" Batman demanded frustratedly. "What's the point? This isn't your style."

"What's the point? Batsy, haven't you ever heard the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas"?" The Joker giggled, then started to recite. "'On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...'"

"I've heard the song," Batman interrupted, cutting off the Joker's singing. "I just don't understand. Is this some kind of misguided Christmas "gift" to Gotham?"

"No, it's for you!"

At that, the Batman decided he'd rather not have heard. He gathered all of the hostages, taping the grenades tightly to prevent any of them going off, and hustled them out the door, telling them to wait for the cops to arrive. He knew the Joker wouldn't likely touch them - they'd played their parts.

When Batman tried to follow them out the door, though, he was stopped by two men in clown masks.

"I'm not done with you yet, Batsy," the Joker giggled.

"Yeah, well, I'm through with you!" Batman retorted, dashing to the opposite end of the warehouse, pulling himself up onto the catwalk near the ceiling, and jumping out through the nearby window into the waiting Tumbler. He then drove away, internally debating giving up on being Batman for the remainder of the Christmas season.

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**A/N**: Short and crappy. Oh well. Leave a review anyway, please? No ghostreading allowed!


	6. The Sixth Day

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

After weeks upon weeks of searching, Batman had finally done it. He had found not only one, but six of the Joker's hideouts: two old warehouses, a shack near the docks, an abandoned apartment building, a derelict motel on the edge of Gotham, and a house belonging to one of his identified henchman. Batman was going to move on one of them tonight and send the rest of the addresses anonymously to the police for them to handle.

He moved out, heading for the closest hideout, the shack on the docks. As he ran closer, though, he inexplicably started smelling smoke. Batman started running even faster.

When the shack came into sight, Batman couldn't believe his eyes. The shack was on fire!

Batman headed to one of the other addresses, a warehouse, only to find that it was burning, too. A run to the other hideouts turned up the same results: they were all on fire.

Batman could not believe this. It was as if the Joker knew that he'd found these exact hideouts today.

Now that he thought about it, though, those men whose conversations he'd overheard were pretty suspicious... They knew too much for civilians.

He cursed himself for not seeing it before. Those men were the Joker's henchmen! That's how they'd known where he was staying. Batman would bet almost anything that they purposely leaked the addresses, knowing that he'd be listening.

Stalking around the perimeter fence of the house, Batman noticed a note nailed to one of the posts. It was a joker card with 'Merry Christmas' scrawled on it.

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**A/N**: I think this one was so short that it qualifies as an actual drabble. Poor Batsy. The Joker's so mean to him! Thanks for my reviewers.

Thecowgirl11017: I'm glad you like it. I did have a merry Christmas and I'll also have a happy New Year. I hope you do as well.

Also, I'm still stuck for ideas for the eleventh line of the song. Anyone have any ideas?

Please leave a review!


	7. The Seventh Day

**A/N**: Okay, this one's a day late, but I haven't been able to get on the computer until now, since we had people over yesterday and people over today. Sorry for the lateness, but I'm posting both chapters at once. Enjoy the double update.

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On the seventh day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Seven scary switchblades,

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

By all rights, Bruce Wayne should have been at that party, enjoying himself with a couple of glasses of champagne while they counted down to the new year.

Instead, he was running for his 'panic room', which contained a backup Bat-suit for emergencies like these; namely, Joker break-ins.

The Joker, in a completely uncharacteristic move, had repeated a trick and broke into Bruce's penthouse for a little chaos. Batman wasn't sure whether the Joker chose Bruce's penthouse because of all the rich people to scare, or because he had discovered the Batman's secret, but Batman wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to know. For now, all he had to do was get the Joker out of there and back into Arkham. At least then the Christmas gifts would stop.

When Batman crept back into the party room, however, he discovered that there were several people huddled up in one corner of the room where they were surrounded by clowns. Batman noticed that the clowns were holding knives. Long, sharp, serrated switchblade knives. He counted seven and knew that this was the 'gift' for today.

He heard the Joker going on about something to one of his guests - probably a false scar story, as usual - and interrupted him. "What do you want, Joker?"

The clown turned to Batman, an expression of annoyance on his face. "Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to interrupt when people are talking? I mean, you being you doesn't excuse your behaviour."

Batman snarled and grabbed the Joker by his collar. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I knew you'd show up to the fanciest party in Gotham, since nothing else would cater to your tastes-" The glint in the clown's eye, suggesting that he knew something, nearly gave Batman a mini-heart attack- "-so I thought it might just be a good attention-grabber if I crashed it." He gestured to the group in the corner, where two of the hostages had burst into tears and three others looked on the verge. "And look! I brought your present!"

"Let them go, Joker."

"Ah-ta-ta-tah," the Joker admonished. "Don't you remember what happened last time you told me to 'let someone go'?"

Batman growled and punched the Joker in the face. "Don't you dare!"

The Joker giggled breathlessly as blood began dripping from his nose. "They're not the present, the knives are the present!"

Batman was momentarily stunned. "What?"

The Joker nodded, which was apparently some kind of signal for his men because the clowns almost immediately jabbed their knives into the hostages' ribcages, killing them. Batman instinctively dropped the Joker and ran over to the hostages, throwing the clowns bodily away from the corpses and attempting to save them, but it was already too late. Batman turned with a growl, intent on attacking the Joker and his henchclowns, but the men had disappeared through the door. Batman stalked out of the room angrily, ready and willing to follow the criminals, but they were long gone by the time Batman got out of the penthouse building.

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**A/N**: So, the first deaths of this crime spree! Sorry for the bad ending, but it was all I could think of. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. Please review at least this or the next chapter, and I could still use suggestions for the number eleven. Thanks.


	8. The Eighth Day

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Eight makeshift pipe bombs,

Seven scary switchblades,

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

The first bomb was unearthed at midnight, with a Joker card attached.

Within the next few minutes, a video was played over the air at the GCN, warning the citizens of Gotham that if the other seven bombs weren't uncovered before two o'clock AM, several important buildings - City Hall, the main courthouse, Arkham Asylum, Blackgate Penitentiary, two student residences at Gotham University, and two houses in the Palisades - would go up in smoke. The bomb that had already been found was at Arkham, which left the other seven targets in danger.

Batman, once he had been informed of the situation, decided that his main priority was the bomb at Blackgate - likely, if the bomb went off, an escape would ensue. He found the bomb within a half an hour of his arrival, at about 12:25. His next priority was City Hall, since the Palisades and Gotham University had been evacuated.

He had a bit more difficulty helping there. Many police officers, he gathered, had also decided that they should protect City Hall and the courthouse. It would be difficult to search the grounds with all the police swarming around, so Batman left to find the two at the university.

He found one of the bombs within ten minutes of his arrival there, but was sidetracked from his search for the next bomb by the sound of footsteps. Familiar, quick footsteps. He followed them around a building until they stopped.

"So you found me. I thought you'd come earlier, protect the kiddies and all that," came the mocking, nasally voice of the Joker.

"Where are the bombs, Joker?"

"Well, there's one at the courthouse, at the prison, City Hall- urk!" He was cut off by the Batman's hand around his throat.

"I know that. where exactly are they?"

The Joker laughed breathlessly. "How should I know? I mean, I couldn't possibly have planted them all myself. I'm kind of a, ah, big deal in this town. I may have been spotted."

Batman dropped the Joker, almost disgusted. "Couldn't even be bothered to get personal."

The Joker giggled a little. "I think I got pretty, ah, personal last night!" He called as the Batman left for the Palisades. He could tell that the clown wasn't worth his time.

With the police and the Batman out, the bombs were found and deactivated before anything blew up, despite the fact that Batman was distracted by the Joker's last statement. _It was more personal last night... Could he know? No, there's no way... But the clown's pretty quick..._ He chased himself with these pointless conundrums all night, despite the reassurance that even if the Joker knew Batman's identity, no one else did... Yet.

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**A/N**: I'm thinking the ending was better on this one. Tell me what you think, and suggestions for number eleven would be very welcome! Thanks!


	9. The Ninth Day

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Nine angry guard dogs,

Eight makeshift pipe bombs,

Seven scary switchblades,

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

_So close... I can't believe I found another one so soon!_ Batman thought as he crept towards the Joker's latest hideout.

Gordon had told him that the cops were closing on the Joker's location. The had it narrowed down to one of three spots - a warehouse (_What is it with criminals and warehouses?_), a parking garage, and someone's house. Batman had done further reconnaissance and had found that a vehicle that was known to belong to the Joker was spotted driving into the warehouse lot. As a result, Batman was going there himself to apprehend the Joker.

Careless from excitement, Batman climbed and leapt over the perimeter fence, then immediately noticed that something was wrong. He couldn't put his black-gloved finger on it, but there was something off about the warehouse. Shrugging the feeling to the back of his mind, the Dark Knight crept stealthily over to the fire escape.

It was then that he noticed the doghouse.

The doghouse was in between Batman and the fire escape. He figured he could move slowly past it until he saw the three dogs sitting up, facing in his direction.

The Dark Knight took one step forward.

Immediately, the three dogs were up, snarling and pulling at the chains that kept them attached to the ground. The noise of the growls and the rattling chains woke the other dogs, setting them off and lunging towards Batman. He did a quick head count. Nine dogs. He took another few steps forward, abandoning stealth over haste. He'd already been discovered, after all.

Just as he got out of range of the dogs' chains, when he thought he was safe, one of the nine pulled the peg that held all of their chains out of the ground. The chains detached from the peg, and all nine dogs came tearing off after the Batman, who dashed just before him. The dogs chased him all around the lot, snapping at his heels until Batman managed to leap onto the fence, scaling it quickly and throwing himself over the top. The dogs snarled and attacked the fence just behind him while he made a speedy getaway.

_Merry Christmas to you too, Joker_, the Dark Knight thought sourly as he drove back to the Bat-Container by the docks.

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**A/N**: Man, Batsy has no luck with dogs. Poor guy. Please review! I could use some feedback, and an idea for number eleven, which will be upon us in two days. Thanks!


	10. The Tenth Day

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Ten playing cards,

Nine angry guard dogs,

Eight makeshift pipe bombs,

Seven scary switchblades,

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

Batman picked up a second joker card. This one was by a 7-11, which made Batman wonder what the Joker had been doing there, since the store wasn't a crater. Heck, the windows weren't even shattered. Why would the Joker leave his calling card at a place where he hadn't done anything?

Batman shook his head, and then a voice filtered into his ears from the receiver in the cowl: "... another joker card. Yeah, near the Starbucks on 5th... Weird..."

Batman was moving immediately, heading towards Fifth Street. What did the Joker want with a Starbucks? Maybe he was a coffee addict? Batman shook these thoughts out of his head. Current situation first, motives later.

The coffee house was untouched when Batman arrived. He found only the card sitting on the front stoop of the darkened store, which confused him even more; what was the clown doing? Hearing another call about another joker card, this time at a tiny convenience store near Wayne Enterprises, Batman sighed. He had a feeling that this was going to be a long night.

Six joker cards and no answers later, Batman was getting completely frustrated. All of the cards had been found near untouched, inconsequential buildings such as coffee houses and grocery stores. He overheard another person talking about the cards, but this voice was a familiar, nasally tone.

"I hope the Batman found my gifts okay... Hehe. He's probably going out of his little batty mind trying to get what I'm, ah, what I'm doing. Aren't you, Batsy?" The Joker giggled, speaking about Batman as though the clown knew that the vigilante was listening in. Which, knowing the eccentric Clown Prince of Crime, was probably exactly the case.

The clown's voice continued, "I wonder how long it'll take for him to realise that nothing's, ah, happening tonight. I can just imagine the little scowl under his mask when he finds out..." Another round of giggles erupted from the Joker before he cut whatever connection he was talking over and Batman couldn't hear him anymore. Not that the Dark Knight was paying much attention anyway. The man was too livid to focus.

That damned clown had sent him on a wild goose chase? For no reason other than that he was bored?!

_Damn that clown! I'll get him for this... And for the other nine days, too._

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**A/N**: Okay, it's two hours late, but I was cleaning all day for my little brother's birthday party. Sorry. Hope you enjoyed, and please review!

I've got a rough (see: bad) idea of something I can do tomorrow, because I do need to put something, but I'll probably change it when I get my original copy of the song back on Monday. So, apologies in advance if you really hate the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed this one, at least.


	11. The Eleventh Day

**A/N**: My excuse is one word: homework.

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On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Eleven terrified people,  
Ten playing cards,  
Nine angry guard dogs,  
Eight makeshift pipe bombs,  
Seven scary switchblades,  
Six burning hideouts,  
Five hand grenades!  
Four bank robberies,  
Three bazooka rockets,  
Two purple gloves,  
And a clown mask under a tree!

"He's got hostages" was Gordon's only greeting when batman arrived outside the small hospital.

"How many?" Was the Caped Crusader's only reply.

"Eleven. Can't you hear the screams?"

"Not over the sirens. Is he with them?"

Gordon needed no clarification. "Not that we know of, but Scarecrow's in the building," he managed to get out before the hero disappeared, sneaking past the police barricade.

Once he was in the building and out of earshot of the sirens, he did hear faint but no less desperate screaming. He headed that direction immediately.

The only souls he met along the way were one- and two-man clown patrols. He tried to avoid detection as much as possible, because it was entirely likely that the Joker had set some unknown time limit on this rescue mission.

At one point, near where the clown patrols started to increase in size, Batman entered a nearly-deserted cafeteria, where he saw the shape of the Scarecrow standing.

_Do they have some kind of alliance now?_ Batman thought, before shaking the question away and incapacitating the Scarecrow. Whys and wherefores later, he reminded himself as he cuffed the unconscious villain to a bench that was bolted to the floor.

As he continued to navigate the halls of the hospital, growing closer to the screams, he encountered more frequent henchclown patrols. These were more difficult to avoid, and he lost seconds knocking them out. He started sprinting towards his goal, hoping to get the hostages out as quickly as possible.

At last, he arrived at the door where the people were being contained. Breaking down the locked but flimsy door, he was greeted by renewed screaming. He assumed that the fear was caused by Scarecrow's toxin and cursed himself for not having any antidote handy. He texted Gordon quickly, telling him to get the cure prepared for the victims as soon as he could, then started on the task of getting the poor, terrified people calmed enough to agree to leave through the window. Fortunately, he small hospital was only one story high, so Batman didn't need to worry about anyone breaking their necks.

He had the slightly less hysterical people aid the more difficult ones out the window and towards the perimeter fence, where the cops would likely be waiting for them to arrive. After he got everyone else out, he backtracked through the hospital a little ways, then left via a window at the back of the building. Most of the cops still enjoyed shooting at him on sight.

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**A/N**: And there you have it: the missing chapter of The Twelve Days of Gotham. Hope you enjoyed the story. Please like my facebook page if you want to see an excerpt for a new Batman crossover I'm working on: facebook pages / L-van-Am / 167433980063870. Thanks for reading!


	12. The Twelfth Day

**A/N**: An actual chapter this time! Just a warning, most of this one is a fight scene, and I'm not great at those... Hope you enjoy it anyway.

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On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...

Twelve painted henchmen,

Eleven

Ten playing cards,

Nine angry guard dogs,

Eight makeshift pipe bombs,

Seven scary switchblades,

Six burning hideouts,

Five hand grenades!

Four bank robberies,

Three bazooka rockets,

Two purple gloves,

And a clown mask under a tree!

Batman crept through the warehouse, keeping a sharp eye out for the Joker. He'd finally gotten past the dogs and the clown henchmen guarding the doors. Even though they were holding guns, he mused, the Joker's henchmen couldn't keep away a rat.

He heard a giggle coming from around the corner. As he turned it, the familiar sight of the Joker greeted Batman.

"You're going to Arkham!" Batman growled, tackling the man. When he had him on the floor, though, Batman realized that the man wasn't actually the Joker.

"You're looking at the wrong guy," the fake Joker told him, scared. "Real Joker's somewhere in the warehouse, I don't know where. You gotta search for him."

Batman put the guy in handcuffs and kept moving. He suspected that the Joker would be higher up in the warehouse - probably the roof or somewhere near there - so Batman ascended every set of stairs he came across.

Along the path he took to the top of the warehouse, Batman came across several fake Jokers - ten of them so far, and Batman was in an office near the stairs to the roof - which he took as a sign that he was going the right direction to the real Joker. He handcuffed the latest Joker knock-off and kept going, running for the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Batman was jumped on by a heavy purple blur, which he realized must be the final Joker copy when the man started punching the Dark Knight in the face. He threw the painted man down the stairs over his shoulder, leaving him at the bottom of the stairs and forcing his way through the rusted steel door onto the warehouse roof. The only feature of the roof, besides the ventilation pipes, was the man with green hair and a long purple coat directly across from him.

"Joker," Batman growled with all of the anger and confusion of the past twelve days clear in his voice. "You're going back to Arkham, tonight. It ends now."

The Clown Prince of Crime turned around to face his nemesis. "Oh, Batsy. Don't ruin the Christmas spirit like that. Aren't you supposed to be all about, ah, peace and goodwill?"

Batman ignored the man's taunts and went straight for the face with a closed fist. Blood gushed down the Joker's face, and the man giggled.

"To the point, aren't you?" He laughed. He was suddenly twirling a knife around his fingers.

Batman didn't see the next move coming. The Joker thrust the knife at his face, then suddenly switched targets and thrust the blade between the plates of Batman's armor. He stumbled back, then caught himself and grabbed the Joker's shoulders, throwing him behind his back, then spinning around and kicking him in the gut. The Joker stumbled back, laughing wheezily, and stomped one of his feet, which caused the blade concealed in the shoe to slide out with a _shick_!

The Joker didn't get the chance to use the knife, though, before he was on his knees from a chop to the neck from the Batman. "Guess you, ah, didn't like the presents much, huh?" The man still giggled, even when he was knocked down. The Dark Knight thrust his knee into the clown's face in disgust, which left the Joker enough time to stab his knife into Batman's leg where his leg armor met his boot, bringing the bat to his knees as well.

Batman grabbed the Joker around the neck, hard enough to keep him there, but not enough to strangle him. Batman had had enough of the Joker for a lifetime, but would settle for locking him up in Arkham, even if it would only keep the villain away for a while.

"You're done for now, Joker," Batman panted. "The cops are on their way. You're going to Arkham tonight."

The Joker cackled into Batman's face, spraying blood from his probably-broken nose onto Batman's armor. "That's what you think, Batsy. It's been a blast, but I, ah, have other things to be doing." The Ace of Knaves stood, turned, and ran down the fire escape, hitting the ground and running towards an alley, disappearing from Batman's sight.

The Dark Knight cursed his luck - he'd had the Joker _right in front of him!_ - but got up and stumbled down the fire escape back to the Tumbler. He hoped that he wouldn't see the Joker again for a few weeks - he had dealt the clown a few injuries, after all. Batman figured that he'd not be that lucky, though.

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**A/N**: It's over. Wow. First multi-chapter that I've finished. (Besides the eleventh chapter, but that'll be up on Monday, like I said.) I've got another one in progress, but at some point, I'll be writing something longer for Batman - a Batman and Sonic Heroes crossover, featuring the Master of Fear, Scarecrow; the Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker; and of course, everyone's favourite vigilante, Batman. Keep a lookout for that - I'll be posting an excerpt from the first chapter on my Facebook page:  pages/L-van-Am/167433980063870?ref=hl. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed The Twelve Days of Gotham!


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